Figure Out What You Want

[Originally published on 1/24/14; updated on 9/14/14]

I really want my children to be happy with their Christmas presents.  Each year I ask them to make a list of what they want to find wrapped up under the tree.  Then I ask them which things on the list are the very most important to them.  I test them by asking them unexpectedly when we are in the car if they can tell me what they most want for Christmas, and I check their impromptu answers against their lists to see if their desires are consistent.  One year, Esther wanted fake grass.  It was such a bizarre request, I just could not believe that she really meant it.  I asked her again and again, at all different times of day, over several weeks, what she most wanted for Christmas, and it was always the same answer: fake grass.  So we bought her a carpet of artificial turf for her bedroom that year. 

In Katie Couric's The Best Advice I Ever Got, Gail Collins tells a great story about becoming the editor of her school paper.  There had always been a female and a male co-editor team.  She was the top candidate for the female editor, and there were two men in contention for the male editor.  The two men were interviewed first.  When Collins went in for her interview, the committee told her that since both men wanted to work with her, they had decided to let her choose her own co-editor.  She paused for a moment and then told the committee that she would actually prefer to do it alone and not have a co-editor at all.  The committee said "OK."  She then invited both men to be her subordinates, and they all worked happily ever after.  Her advice? "Figure out what you want.  And then ask for it" (10). 

Know yourself, know your needs, know your dreams, and make it as easy as possible for other people to help you reach those dreams.  If you don't take the time to figure yourself out, to figure out what you want and what you need to feel happy and fulfilled, who do you think is going to figure that out for you?  I used to think that someone who really loved me would figure me out--read my mind, anticipate my every need, and make all my dreams come true.  But I'm learning that I need to be that someone.  I need to find a way to check in with my own heart and soul each day, to understand and care for myself on the deepest level.  This is not work that anyone else can do for me. 

Anna Quindlen says don't allow yourself to live "a Frankenstein life made up of other people's expectations grafted together into a poor imitation of existence" (16).  We risk living a Frankenstein life when we don't give ourselves time to think deeply each day.

Quindlen continues: "You must have the strength to say no to the wrong things and to embrace the right ones, even if you are the only one who seems to know the difference, even if you find the difference hard to calculate...There is a Jiminy Cricket on your shoulder, giving the very best advice.  It is you, your authentic self...Acts of bravery...can take place in your heart, when you have the courage to honor your character, your intellect, your inclinations, and yes, your soul by listening to its clean, clear voice of direction" (17). 

I want to have the strength to say no to the wrong things, to embrace the right ones, to honor my character, my intellect, my inclinations, and my soul.  I want to find and listen to my own clean, clear voice.