[Originally published 1/26/14; updated 9/14/14]
I love the essay by Matt Goldman in Katie Couric's The Best Advice I Ever Got. When he and Phil Stanton and Chris Wink were starting the Blue Man Group in the late 1980s, "a lot of people--smart people, good-willed people, even loved ones and relatives" told them it was crazy. And not even Goldman himself expected the kind of success they have achieved, and the kind of international impact they have had.
He says, "Don't listen to anyone's advice. At least, don't listen to the advice of people who tell you what you can't do. Instead, find some good advisers whom you respect and trust and care about and listen to them. Then integrate what they are telling you with your own thinking, and really listen to yourself, your own learning, your gut instinct."
"I wanted to be crazy, and I advise you to be crazy. To be weird. To be unreasonable. That's my favorite one. People are always saying, 'Oh, come on, be reasonable!' And I want to shout, 'No! I don't want to be reasonable!' I want to be completely unreasonable. I want to change the world. I want to be creative. I want to change the world creatively. And I want other people to be unreasonable with me."
You know what? I want to change the world, too. Do you?
To the words of Matt Goldman, I want to add the words of Mary Oliver: “The most regretful people on earth are those who felt the call to creative work, who felt their own creative power restive and uprising, and gave to it neither power nor time.”
It is time for me to give my creative power the power and time it deserves. It is restive and uprising, and in need of succoring. I no longer want to be among the most regretful people on earth.
Sunday, January 26, 2014
Friday, January 24, 2014
Figure Out What You Want
[Originally published on 1/24/14; updated on 9/14/14]
I really want my children to be happy with their Christmas presents. Each year I ask them to make a list of what they want to find wrapped up under the tree. Then I ask them which things on the list are the very most important to them. I test them by asking them unexpectedly when we are in the car if they can tell me what they most want for Christmas, and I check their impromptu answers against their lists to see if their desires are consistent. One year, Esther wanted fake grass. It was such a bizarre request, I just could not believe that she really meant it. I asked her again and again, at all different times of day, over several weeks, what she most wanted for Christmas, and it was always the same answer: fake grass. So we bought her a carpet of artificial turf for her bedroom that year.
In Katie Couric's The Best Advice I Ever Got, Gail Collins tells a great story about becoming the editor of her school paper. There had always been a female and a male co-editor team. She was the top candidate for the female editor, and there were two men in contention for the male editor. The two men were interviewed first. When Collins went in for her interview, the committee told her that since both men wanted to work with her, they had decided to let her choose her own co-editor. She paused for a moment and then told the committee that she would actually prefer to do it alone and not have a co-editor at all. The committee said "OK." She then invited both men to be her subordinates, and they all worked happily ever after. Her advice? "Figure out what you want. And then ask for it" (10).
Know yourself, know your needs, know your dreams, and make it as easy as possible for other people to help you reach those dreams. If you don't take the time to figure yourself out, to figure out what you want and what you need to feel happy and fulfilled, who do you think is going to figure that out for you? I used to think that someone who really loved me would figure me out--read my mind, anticipate my every need, and make all my dreams come true. But I'm learning that I need to be that someone. I need to find a way to check in with my own heart and soul each day, to understand and care for myself on the deepest level. This is not work that anyone else can do for me.
Anna Quindlen says don't allow yourself to live "a Frankenstein life made up of other people's expectations grafted together into a poor imitation of existence" (16). We risk living a Frankenstein life when we don't give ourselves time to think deeply each day.
Quindlen continues: "You must have the strength to say no to the wrong things and to embrace the right ones, even if you are the only one who seems to know the difference, even if you find the difference hard to calculate...There is a Jiminy Cricket on your shoulder, giving the very best advice. It is you, your authentic self...Acts of bravery...can take place in your heart, when you have the courage to honor your character, your intellect, your inclinations, and yes, your soul by listening to its clean, clear voice of direction" (17).
I want to have the strength to say no to the wrong things, to embrace the right ones, to honor my character, my intellect, my inclinations, and my soul. I want to find and listen to my own clean, clear voice.
I really want my children to be happy with their Christmas presents. Each year I ask them to make a list of what they want to find wrapped up under the tree. Then I ask them which things on the list are the very most important to them. I test them by asking them unexpectedly when we are in the car if they can tell me what they most want for Christmas, and I check their impromptu answers against their lists to see if their desires are consistent. One year, Esther wanted fake grass. It was such a bizarre request, I just could not believe that she really meant it. I asked her again and again, at all different times of day, over several weeks, what she most wanted for Christmas, and it was always the same answer: fake grass. So we bought her a carpet of artificial turf for her bedroom that year.
In Katie Couric's The Best Advice I Ever Got, Gail Collins tells a great story about becoming the editor of her school paper. There had always been a female and a male co-editor team. She was the top candidate for the female editor, and there were two men in contention for the male editor. The two men were interviewed first. When Collins went in for her interview, the committee told her that since both men wanted to work with her, they had decided to let her choose her own co-editor. She paused for a moment and then told the committee that she would actually prefer to do it alone and not have a co-editor at all. The committee said "OK." She then invited both men to be her subordinates, and they all worked happily ever after. Her advice? "Figure out what you want. And then ask for it" (10).
Know yourself, know your needs, know your dreams, and make it as easy as possible for other people to help you reach those dreams. If you don't take the time to figure yourself out, to figure out what you want and what you need to feel happy and fulfilled, who do you think is going to figure that out for you? I used to think that someone who really loved me would figure me out--read my mind, anticipate my every need, and make all my dreams come true. But I'm learning that I need to be that someone. I need to find a way to check in with my own heart and soul each day, to understand and care for myself on the deepest level. This is not work that anyone else can do for me.
Anna Quindlen says don't allow yourself to live "a Frankenstein life made up of other people's expectations grafted together into a poor imitation of existence" (16). We risk living a Frankenstein life when we don't give ourselves time to think deeply each day.
Quindlen continues: "You must have the strength to say no to the wrong things and to embrace the right ones, even if you are the only one who seems to know the difference, even if you find the difference hard to calculate...There is a Jiminy Cricket on your shoulder, giving the very best advice. It is you, your authentic self...Acts of bravery...can take place in your heart, when you have the courage to honor your character, your intellect, your inclinations, and yes, your soul by listening to its clean, clear voice of direction" (17).
I want to have the strength to say no to the wrong things, to embrace the right ones, to honor my character, my intellect, my inclinations, and my soul. I want to find and listen to my own clean, clear voice.
Thursday, January 23, 2014
Lessons from Extraordinary Lives
I recently finished listening to a very inspiring book, The Best Advice I Ever Got: Lessons from Extraordinary Lives by Katie Couric. Couric explains in her introduction how this book came about. In April of 1997, her husband Jay was diagnosed with stage-four colon cancer, fifteen months after their second daughter was born. He died less than a year later, in January of 1998. Two years later, Couric's sister Emily was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and died.
Couric says that while her husband was battling cancer, she felt upset and resentful whenever she saw others enjoying themselves. She writes, "I now realize that everyone struggles, and that...very few of us get through this life unscathed. Scratch beneath a stranger's surface and you're likely to uncover professional setbacks, broken hearts, unspeakable loss, unfulfilled dreams, or worse" (xxi).
She asks, "How do you keep going when you want to curl up into a ball and never leave your bedroom? How do you squeeze all the joy out of life while dealing with all the messy parts? How can you find a calling that fills you up, give you a sense of purpose and your life meaning, and doesn't leave you feeling full of regret and remorse? How do you shut out the voices (including, at times, your own) that tell you you're not good enough and you shouldn't even try? How can you 'recalculate' your route when your personal GPS is on the fritz" (xxi-xxii)?
Couric writes that she has found answers to these questions in the stories and experiences of others who have made their way through life's challenges. The idea for this book came as she prepared to give a commencement address at Case Western. She asked about thirty people to share with her their personal insights--what they've learned, and what lessons from their own lives might be useful and instructive. She found the responses she received so helpful that she expanded the project beyond the commencement address and it became this book.
The essays are divided into ten thematic chapters:
Part 1: You've Gotta Have Moxie: On Courage and Self-Confidence
Part 2: The Bank of Experience: On Hard Work and Tenacity
Part 3: Never Give In: On Pluck and Perseverance
Part 4: Be Unreasonable: On Passion and Dreams
Part 5: Minute Particulars: On Doing What's Right
Part 6: Don't Let the Turkeys Get You Down: On Rejection and Resilience
Part 7: Everyone Needs a Cheerleader: On Mentors and Encouragement
Part 8: Look Outside Yourself: On Commitment and Contribution
Part 9: What Boats are Built For: On Taking Risks and Seeking Opportunity
Part 10: Find the Joy: On Wisdom and Happiness
I am going to take you through this book and share some of my favorite tidbits in the coming days. I hope you will enjoy it as much as I have.
Couric says that while her husband was battling cancer, she felt upset and resentful whenever she saw others enjoying themselves. She writes, "I now realize that everyone struggles, and that...very few of us get through this life unscathed. Scratch beneath a stranger's surface and you're likely to uncover professional setbacks, broken hearts, unspeakable loss, unfulfilled dreams, or worse" (xxi).
She asks, "How do you keep going when you want to curl up into a ball and never leave your bedroom? How do you squeeze all the joy out of life while dealing with all the messy parts? How can you find a calling that fills you up, give you a sense of purpose and your life meaning, and doesn't leave you feeling full of regret and remorse? How do you shut out the voices (including, at times, your own) that tell you you're not good enough and you shouldn't even try? How can you 'recalculate' your route when your personal GPS is on the fritz" (xxi-xxii)?
Couric writes that she has found answers to these questions in the stories and experiences of others who have made their way through life's challenges. The idea for this book came as she prepared to give a commencement address at Case Western. She asked about thirty people to share with her their personal insights--what they've learned, and what lessons from their own lives might be useful and instructive. She found the responses she received so helpful that she expanded the project beyond the commencement address and it became this book.
The essays are divided into ten thematic chapters:
Part 1: You've Gotta Have Moxie: On Courage and Self-Confidence
Part 2: The Bank of Experience: On Hard Work and Tenacity
Part 3: Never Give In: On Pluck and Perseverance
Part 4: Be Unreasonable: On Passion and Dreams
Part 5: Minute Particulars: On Doing What's Right
Part 6: Don't Let the Turkeys Get You Down: On Rejection and Resilience
Part 7: Everyone Needs a Cheerleader: On Mentors and Encouragement
Part 8: Look Outside Yourself: On Commitment and Contribution
Part 9: What Boats are Built For: On Taking Risks and Seeking Opportunity
Part 10: Find the Joy: On Wisdom and Happiness
I am going to take you through this book and share some of my favorite tidbits in the coming days. I hope you will enjoy it as much as I have.
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
I'd Really Like to Eat a Child
My little girls chose a picture book at the library recently: I'd Really Like to Eat a Child by Sylviane Donnio, illustrated by Dorothee de Monfreid. I thought the title was pretty weird, and the first time I read it to them I thought, "that was an incredibly random book." But the girls LOVED it, so I read it to them again today. This time, I was inspired by the story, and I want to share it with you.
Meet Achilles. He is a young crocodile whose parents feed him bananas every day for breakfast. Then one morning, he refuses the bananas, saying "today, I'd really like to eat a child." His father brings him a sausage, but Achilles refuses that as well, repeating his wish to eat a child. Then his parents make him a chocolate cake, knowing that he has a sweet tooth, and assuring themselves that when he sees the cake, "he'll totally forget this silly idea." But even the beautiful cake does not deter Achilles. He still wants to eat a child, and refuses the cake as well. Finally, feeling a little bit yucky from not eating all day, Achilles goes down to the river for a swim. He is overjoyed to see a little girl playing all by herself on the riverbank. "Yippee!" he says. "Finally, I'm going to eat a child." He creeps up on her, teeth bared and ready to pounce:
Meet Achilles. He is a young crocodile whose parents feed him bananas every day for breakfast. Then one morning, he refuses the bananas, saying "today, I'd really like to eat a child." His father brings him a sausage, but Achilles refuses that as well, repeating his wish to eat a child. Then his parents make him a chocolate cake, knowing that he has a sweet tooth, and assuring themselves that when he sees the cake, "he'll totally forget this silly idea." But even the beautiful cake does not deter Achilles. He still wants to eat a child, and refuses the cake as well. Finally, feeling a little bit yucky from not eating all day, Achilles goes down to the river for a swim. He is overjoyed to see a little girl playing all by herself on the riverbank. "Yippee!" he says. "Finally, I'm going to eat a child." He creeps up on her, teeth bared and ready to pounce:
This is the first time in the book that we see how small Achilles is relative to a human. The child, not realizing that her life is in grave danger, cries, "Oh! Look at that. A teeny-tiny crocodile! He's awfully cute! And so scrawny! He must not eat very much." She catches Achilles by the tail, tickles his belly, and throws him into the river. He runs home, excited, happy, and very hungry, shouting "Daddy, Mommy! Quick, give me some bananas! I have to grow bigger...BIG enough to eat a child!"
Achilles has a dream. The people in his life don't take his dream seriously. They think it is a silly dream, and try repeatedly to steer him off course. At first, Achilles makes a small change and then waits for other people to make his dream come true. When this plan fails, rather than giving up his dream, he tries something new. He does something to strengthen himself, and in the process, the universe brings him closer to his dream than ever.
I want to remember the expression on Achilles' face as he runs home from the river, dripping wet. He has just been tickled and thrown into the water by the very person he was hoping to eat. But look at the light in his eyes and the smile on his face. He is not angry, he is not discouraged. He is motivated and energized. He is glowing with new information and an even better plan for making his dream come true:
Monday, January 20, 2014
Do the Things
My thought for today comes from a little book called Words That Matter: Everyday Truths to Guide and Inspire by the editors of O, The Oprah Magazine. Oprah Winfrey says,
"Anyone who has ever come close to death can tell you that at the end of your life...the thoughts that linger are the 'if only' questions, like Who could I have become if I had finally done the things I always wanted to do?"
I wrote in my journal yesterday "What things have I always wanted to do?"
I sat with this question, letting it sink in, and then I wrote my answers as they came to me. I found this exercise very useful. I am still thinking about the things I wrote down, and what it will take for me to do them. One of the answers that surprised me was that I want to live in another country again. I lived in Japan for eleven months when I was 17-18 years old, and I lived in the Philippines for sixteen months when I was 21-22 years old. Those were incredible experiences, and I want to have more experiences like that. I will be 52 years old when my youngest child graduates from high school. Maybe that will be a good time for me to start a new overseas adventure. I'd like to try Europe next. Any suggestions?
What things have you always wanted to do, and how could you get started on a path that will lead you to them?
"Anyone who has ever come close to death can tell you that at the end of your life...the thoughts that linger are the 'if only' questions, like Who could I have become if I had finally done the things I always wanted to do?"
I wrote in my journal yesterday "What things have I always wanted to do?"
I sat with this question, letting it sink in, and then I wrote my answers as they came to me. I found this exercise very useful. I am still thinking about the things I wrote down, and what it will take for me to do them. One of the answers that surprised me was that I want to live in another country again. I lived in Japan for eleven months when I was 17-18 years old, and I lived in the Philippines for sixteen months when I was 21-22 years old. Those were incredible experiences, and I want to have more experiences like that. I will be 52 years old when my youngest child graduates from high school. Maybe that will be a good time for me to start a new overseas adventure. I'd like to try Europe next. Any suggestions?
What things have you always wanted to do, and how could you get started on a path that will lead you to them?
Monday, January 13, 2014
The Luxury of Negative Thought
Today in the car I was listening to Katie Couric's book The Best Advice I Ever Got. In it, Christina Applegate tells the story of breaking her foot on stage during a preview performance of Sweet Charity. Doctors told her the bone would take so long to heal that she would not be able to do the show at all. She was desperate for a different outcome, and called her spiritual mentor, the Reverend Michael Beckwith. He told her to envision her foot healing quickly and perfectly. He said to her, "You do not have the luxury of negative thought."
Applegate writes, "Every day I participated in the healing of that bone. I felt those negative thoughts coming through and told them to shove it! I kept my eye focused on the task at hand. I did not have the luxury of negative thought; of listening to the lies we so often tell ourselves; of being talked out of success by my fears...And although I occasionally falter and my mind tries to convince me otherwise, it was those words that helped fuse a bone together at record speed."
This story really leapt out at me today, as recently I have been overly luxuriating in negative thoughts of all kinds. And although I do not have an entire Broadway cast relying on me to dance for two hours on a broken foot, I do have four little people looking to me for love and leadership every day. It is no small task to engage in the fixing of our own broken souls, and much more difficult to motivate ourselves to seek healing just for our own sakes. But I have really seen lately how my own mood and attitude toward myself impacts my ability to love and care for the people around me. So in that sense, taking care of myself is not just good for me, but for everyone I love as well. This is advice we are given every time we fly--secure your own oxygen mask before helping others with theirs.
So I'm going to start asking myself these questions. What is my current soul-healing task, and how can I keep my eye focused on it? What successes are my fears trying to talk me out of? Who can I become if I stop indulging in the luxury of negative thought?
Maybe I'll be seeing you on Broadway.
Applegate writes, "Every day I participated in the healing of that bone. I felt those negative thoughts coming through and told them to shove it! I kept my eye focused on the task at hand. I did not have the luxury of negative thought; of listening to the lies we so often tell ourselves; of being talked out of success by my fears...And although I occasionally falter and my mind tries to convince me otherwise, it was those words that helped fuse a bone together at record speed."
This story really leapt out at me today, as recently I have been overly luxuriating in negative thoughts of all kinds. And although I do not have an entire Broadway cast relying on me to dance for two hours on a broken foot, I do have four little people looking to me for love and leadership every day. It is no small task to engage in the fixing of our own broken souls, and much more difficult to motivate ourselves to seek healing just for our own sakes. But I have really seen lately how my own mood and attitude toward myself impacts my ability to love and care for the people around me. So in that sense, taking care of myself is not just good for me, but for everyone I love as well. This is advice we are given every time we fly--secure your own oxygen mask before helping others with theirs.
So I'm going to start asking myself these questions. What is my current soul-healing task, and how can I keep my eye focused on it? What successes are my fears trying to talk me out of? Who can I become if I stop indulging in the luxury of negative thought?
Maybe I'll be seeing you on Broadway.
Refreshing and Healing
(Written 10-7-13)
Thich Nhat Hanh wrote, "If the presence of the other is refreshing and healing to you, keep hold of this presence and nourish yourself with it. If there are negative things around you, you can always find something that is healthy, refreshing, and healing, and with your mindfulness you can recognize its presence in your life."
What people, places, or things do you find refreshing and healing? How do you recognize and benefit from them? How do you keep hold of these things and nourish yourself with them?
I tend to get stuck on things that are depressing, condemning, angering, guilt-inducing, and overwhelming. I want to search for the things around me that are healthy, refreshing and healing, and focus on those things instead.
Thich Nhat Hanh wrote, "If the presence of the other is refreshing and healing to you, keep hold of this presence and nourish yourself with it. If there are negative things around you, you can always find something that is healthy, refreshing, and healing, and with your mindfulness you can recognize its presence in your life."
What people, places, or things do you find refreshing and healing? How do you recognize and benefit from them? How do you keep hold of these things and nourish yourself with them?
I tend to get stuck on things that are depressing, condemning, angering, guilt-inducing, and overwhelming. I want to search for the things around me that are healthy, refreshing and healing, and focus on those things instead.
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